Ah, Sexual Objectification.. One of my biggest turn-ons. This was something I had tried to coerce my vanilla ex to try.. with very little success.
I recall less than fondly me sitting on our bed wearing little more than some strategically placed lace, hair strewn over my face and whispering:
“Tonight, please do anything you want to me..”
His response? “Uh, like what..?”. – I didn’t try again.
Anyway, then I discovered what BDSM was and all things wrong and debauched.. And it hit me. This was was something I could actually explore, it didn’t have to be a fantasy anymore.
For as long as I can remember I’ve had fantasies that have revolved around being objectified and treated as nothing more than an object for anothers pleasure.. for their sole sexual gratification. However, in these fantasies I’ve always ‘known’ that I’m cared for. For me, it was about having an emotional connection with another person, love even, yet also having them use me whenever they liked – that was always my ideal.
Lately I’ve been thinking about it with less emotional ties. Things like being completely objectified, used as a sex object by someone I’m not emotionally involved with and with then simply being discarded after they’re done. As in; literally as soon they had done what they wanted to, they simply walk out and never hear from them again. Or maybe I’d hear from them again.. but only when they wanted.. and the same pattern would appear.
I’ve toyed with this scenario in the past, but it just seemed too degrading and way outside my comfort zone.. I’m still not entirely sure if it’s something I could ever go through with.
Emotionally, I crave extreme humiliation and degradation. I want to feel used, I want to feel worthless. But what I also know is that if someone brings me down to that stage where I feel truly worthless then they need to bring me back up again.
My self confidence in my own sexuality has grown immensely, and even though I feel that on some level I’ve been conditioned to equate sex with love, I feel confident enough in myself to explore other avenues that appeal to me.
I guess we’ll see where I end up..