.. The one where you just need something.
When you just need to feel someone’s hand around your throat. Or in your hair. Or on your face.
Yes.. the sting & shock as a palm collides with your cheek.
When you just want to feel a forceful kiss upon your lips. Some harsh words whispered in your ear. A bite on your neck.
When all you can think about is being forced to the floor, not because you want to, but because that’s how low you need to feel. As though it’s the only place you deserve to be.
The need to feel leather bruising your skin.. or skin on skin, or hands, or fists.
That desire to feel completely used, uncared for, cast aside, worthless.
When the most appealing thought in your mind is that of being abused, degraded & humiliated.
To feel fear. Real, mind rendering fear at what might happen to you. To be so frightened you can’t even speak, you just comply.
When all you want is to feel warm tears running down your face & the burn in your chest as you realise how much what’s happening is hurting you. Hurting you physically. Paining you mentally and making your heart ache.
To feel so low.. That when it’s all over you’ll finally be able to feel better? Better than you did before it started. Because it’s what you need, it’s what you crave?
Yeah, that. That’s what I feel right now.