The Thin Line

There’s nothing worse for me than feeling humiliated, degraded, used.

I hate feeling embarrassed.. I hate feeling vulnerable. I hate feeling small, belittled.

I hate being told what to do, I hate being talked down to. I hate being grabbed, pushed, pinned down. Being made to crawl, plead & beg.

I hate being made to do things I don’t want to do, I hate feeling hurt, I hate being in pain. I hate being hit, slapped & beaten, I hate violence.

I hate being restrained, exposed, tied up. I hate choking, gagging, feeling like I can’t breathe, like I’m going to be sick. I hate mind fucks, feeling confused, disorientated & unaware.

I hate being questioned, interrogated, tortured. I hate the way I feel afterward, I hate the uncontrollable crying, the smeared make up, feeling out of it. Sometimes I can’t even talk.. I lose the ability to communicate verbally, I’m a mess, and I hate it.

I hate the embarrassment, the humiliation.

I hate it all.

Except I don’t hate it, not deep down, underneath.

The more I hate it, the more it turns me on.

The worse it is, the more I want it, crave it.

There’s a line right between love & hate.. but mine is thin and blurred and broken.

About Girl Uninterrupted

This entry was posted in BDSM, My Submission, Reflection and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to The Thin Line

  1. Very interesting post, this aspect of human behavior fascinates me to no end. I hope you continue exploring these conflicting feelings.

  2. I loved the honesty of this – it is a continuing dance between wanting and loathing. And being true to our desires if we can find people to trust with our lives. Thank you

  3. bobette says:

    Yes. Except a psycho domme has tried to reconnect with me recently and i nearly got sucked back in, because the utter humiliation of letting myself get trapped again by that lunatic ended up turning me on. My outer self watched in awe as she reeled me in from a defensive ‘let’s just get this bitch off the line’ to a grovelling ‘Yes Madam’ through her manipulation of my weakness.

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